Reborn

Hey friends,

I thought hard and long about what my first piece back should be about, and I arrived at a few ideas, but I thought it’s only fair that I first reintroduce myself to you. Why? Because I’m different now. I’ve been changed by a life that has reminded me to let go a little more, because the best-laid plans sometimes don’t work out.  

So, before I share what I have been up to in the past years, first, an introduction: a reborn.

Reborn is a story about a journey that has taken longer than expected, with many unexpected curveballs and detours. It’s also a journey of redemption, faith, forgiveness, acceptance, finding deeper intimacy with Christ, and eventually getting to know myself better.

I have always been a Christian, first because I was raised Christian and secondly because I made a personal decision years ago in my first year at university to be Christian. Although I failed many times to live just like Christ lived, I completely believe and accept Jesus, yet some lessons can only be learnt by experience.

The biblical story of Job is a popular one, but did we ever take note of this statement he made after he met God, and just before his suffering ended?

“I had only heard about you before, but now I have seen you with my own eyes.”

The journey from simply hearing about to knowing is one of rebirth; after all, there’s no knowing without experiencing.

So, in the past years, I met Jesus in a deeply personal way, through faith that was tested, through medical diagnoses that seemed life-ending, through family pain and losses that seemed to defy prayers, and through the life disappointments that defy my best effort.

Those taught me dependence, a complete and utter trust in the God whose breath keeps me alive. They reminded me what I should have known: that the story writer knows best, that the character’s story is still being written until the end, and that the character’s best option is to let go of the reins so that the writer can work his magic.

Maybe you know or don’t, but I was both a planner and a fixer. I was the type who had to have plans A to Z if possible, and another set of plans to fix everything that could go wrong. I can’t sleep until a plan is formed, and God helps anyone who messes that plan up. So, letting go and waiting were unnatural traits I could only acquire through personal experiences.

Although I still have moments of doubt and foolishness that make me human, I’m enjoying how freeing it is to know that my creator is rooting for me, and he wants all these good things for me, too. Did I mention that to know him is to accept his freely given love and love him right back? Well, it is.

I’ve also learnt that the true test of love is loving those who make it difficult to love them. I’ve learnt that my ability to truly forgive as Christ intended is to forgive people who would neither ask for forgiveness, nor acknowledge how much they have abused their access to my life.

I was tested by people I have loved for many years, yet, in my most bitter moments, God taught me to consider their perspective. He said, “Do you know that if someone were to ask them why you are all estranged, just like you, they will probably have many things to say about you too? They might be wrong, their accusation may be a misunderstanding, but they probably didn’t see it that way.” That changed everything. Although I would be foolish to give them the same access they had, I can clearly see that they are imperfect humans like me, whom God loves and deserves forgiveness.  

Every day, I strive to live a perfectly imperfect but Christ-centered life. I’m allowing God to remind me of his promises in the moments when my humanity shows up, and I’m absolutely basking in this beautiful sense of security that comes with being held in his loving arms and guided by his voice.

So, before I share some interesting stories from the past years, I’d also like to hear your updates.

How are you doing, friends? How has life been since I last wrote? Have you learned any new lessons? Are there any changes in your life? Tell me everything you can; I’d love to hear it.

Till my next post,

Love, Tee.